In Christian understanding marriage is an institution founded by God. It is a permanent and inseparable union. According to John Meyendorff, an Orthodox theologian, marriage is essentially a meeting of two beings in love, a human love that can be transformed by the sacramental grace of Holy Spirit, in to an eternal bond, indissoluble even by death. The teaching of our Lord as expressed in the Gospel of St. Mathew 19: 6 is that man must not separate what God has joined together. So it is a lifelong relationship which is created through the sacrament and which is valid even after the death of one partner. This union is for companionship, mutual support, and sexual expression. However, many marriages today are like "houses built up on sand." Staying together under one roof does not mean that they are having a happy marital life. The rate of divorce is increasing day by day. Psychologist Carl Rogers once gave a sobering perspective on marriage, "if 50-75 percentage of Ford or General Motors cars completely fell apart with in the early part of their lifetimes as automobiles the public outcry would be overwhelming and drastic steps would be taken to correct the situation." But this is same to many marriages and the society is hardly taking the necessary measures to prevent it. There are many reasons for the present instability of marriages. One of the main reasons is the lack of preparation for marriage.

The purpose of pre-marital preparation and counselling is preventive rather than curative. That is, to assist the prospective mates to gain a better understanding of themselves, of each other and of what marriage entails. Hence, it focuses on education and information. Some of the main considerations of pre-marital counselling are given below.

Choosing a marriage partner

Choosing a marriage partner is one of the most rewarding of all choices in life and it is also one of the most difficult one. Bible says little about it. Even though Jesus and Paul clearly gave sanctions to marriage, they never discussed how a marriage partner should be chosen. This may be because of the fact that in Biblical time choosing a mate was not the responsibility of the couple. The parents usually made the decision, but the young person could make his/her wishes known. We can see this in the choice of the wife of Isaac. However, Bible gives some guidelines for selecting a marital partner. Just as Abraham's servant expected and experienced the divine guidance in selecting a wife for Isaac, we can also ask for divine guidance in mate selection. Writing about marriage Paul also reminds us that,"be sure.. marry or not to marry in accordance with God's decision and help" (ICor.7: 17).

Another guideline, which the Bible gives, is the importance of faith in strengthening marital relation. If people from different religious traditions are united in a marriage, conflicts are likely to arise. St. Paul gives the warning that "do not be yoked together with unbelievers" (2Cor.6:14). That means a Christian and non-Christian cannot pull together as marriage partners. Besides these there are some other factors to be considered:

Similar background and complimentarily needs. The marriage selection is best when the man and woman are similar in variables such as socio-economic level, interest, values, age, and education. Wide differences in these areas will make the partners in different levels of personality and maturity. An age difference of three to four years is accepted normal in our society and also it is noticed that older men want to marry young girls. In addition it is helpful if the couple can meet others needs.

Psychological maturity. The person who enters in to a marriage needs not only physical maturity but also psychological maturity. Psychological maturity in the context of marriage includes the ability to look at life realistically, active concern for the well being of partner, ability and willingness to share and make a compromise and ability to face problems and seek solution. Christian marriage counsellor David Field identified the characteristics that appear in healthy marriages:

• Adaptability and flexibility (the ability and willingness of a person to adjust to change, to accept differences in a partner, and to adapt if necessary).
• Empathy (a sensitivity to the hurts and needs of others and a willing attempt to see and experience the world from the other person's perspective).
• Togetherness in sharing. Time spending together, mutual spiritual interest, negotiation ability, maturity, play and humour, intimacy (including expression of appreciation and the sharing of inner thoughts and feeling) and willingness to make commitment. When these characteristics are present before marriage it seems likely that there will be wiser mate selection and marital satisfaction.
• Ability to work through problems (the recognition of emotions and a willingness to define the issues and work towards solution).
• Ability to give and receive love.
• Emotional stability (accepting one's emotions, controlling them and expressing them without tearing down another person).
• Communication ability (learning to talk frequently to one another about a wide range subjects, to convey the feeling that one understands and is sensitive to the other, to keep communication opportunities open, and to express oneself personally, clearly and at times nonverbally).
• Commitment (the willingness to yield oneself to a lifetime of adventure including the risks, joys and sorrows, plus a commitment to work together even when difficulties, obstacles, and challenges interfere with a smooth relationship).

Meaning of love

Another important area of concern is acquiring a proper understanding about the meaning of love in marriage. Erich Fromm in his book Art of Living distinguishes the romantic and mature love. The love, which is not realistic, is romantic love that depicted in the novels and movies. It is only a projection of an individual's emotional needs on to a love object. Mature love comes only after knowledge of and experience with the loved partner. The four basic elements in a mature love is (1) active concern for the life and growth of the one whom we love. (2) Responsibility for the needs of the other. (3) Respect for the other, the ability to see a person as he/she is, to be aware of his/her unique individuality. (4) Knowledge of self, of the other, and of the nature of love. So it is said that to love someone because you need him/her is neurotic, to need him/her because you love him/her is healthy.

Sex in marriage

A person's attitude toward sexuality is one of the determining factors of happy marital life. Sex is a creation of God and it is good. However, Bible firmly affirms that the place where one can exercise this is only in marriage. Sex is not something physical alone, it has a psychological, emotional and spiritual level too. In marriage sexual activity is a powerful and symbolic language to communicate the closeness, love, and intimacy, because it profoundly involves the total person, that is, the closeness of body, mind, and emotions. In Christian understanding there are three main functions which sex serves in a marriage.

Procreative purpose- Having created human being as male and female God blessed them and said to them "be fruitful and increase in number" Gn.1:28. To take up this task is to align oneself with God's creative work.

Relational purpose. According the story told in Genesis, God created woman as companion to man. She is brought to him, and in their sexual differentiation they become one-flesh. Hence, faithful companionship is one of the important purposes of marriage. Although our natural sexual appetites may lead us to this relationship, they alone cannot create or sustain it. Our sexual appetites are personalise and humanise only when take in to a personal bond of love.

Healing purpose. Sex in marriage functions to provide needed restraint and discipline as the God-given place of healing for our sexual nature. In learning the meaning of faithful love to another person, a spouse, we gradually become more able to devote ourselves to the good of others.

Difference between a man and woman

An understanding of the difference between a man and woman is also necessary for the young people to lead a healthy marital life. This will help them to recognise that his/her mate has needs, has had different experiences and he/she reacts to life in a different manner. The difference between man and woman are more than biological. They are basically different in the way they think and feel. The man reasons more logically, on the other hand woman reasons intuitively. Facts, figures, and statistics seem to mean more to him as he reasons, but woman won't consider all these and reaches her conclusion rapidly and positively. In experiencing the feelings also there is a difference between them, that is, woman is likely to give expression to her feelings more visually than man. Since her emotional life colours much for her thinking, a husband must be aware that he will win her not so much by reasoning, but by kindness and awareness of her needs. On the contrary man by nature is less likely to give expression to what he feels. There are also significant masculine and feminine differences in attitudes and responses to sexual relations. An young man is usually conditioned to more rapid physical reactions and more quickly and deeply aroused by even mild stimuli of sight, sound or touch. However, woman is less quickly stimulated by what she see, but quite responsive to touch and physical contact. The couples should give great attention to understand these differences in the physical and emotional reactions of the partner.

Marriage is a call to live together, not only physically but also on every level of life. This is a monumental task. Since each person is unique it takes a great deal of sensitivity, commitment and work to develop a way and rhythm of being together. Even though contemporary society is giving importance to marriage as it ever was, it is more vulnerable than ever before. In order to ensure the stability of marital relationship the modern couples should enter in to marriage with a proper understanding of what this new relationship means in their life. They must understand that this is relationship instituted by God.